nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
