It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
