i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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