I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
