my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
