your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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