you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize