At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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