She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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