I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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