Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
