She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Of course I have a pirate flag
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
