Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
