Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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