adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
