She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
