**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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