proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
