So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
