i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is my gift to your gina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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