Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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