Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
