Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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