I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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