it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
