I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
