New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
