real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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