I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
