So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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