I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
