she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
