I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
