I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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