i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
