I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
