I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
