i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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