I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
