think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
