When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
