i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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