You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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