First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
