Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
