My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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