i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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