We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
