Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
