last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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