I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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