Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
