What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All the doctor said was why
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
