She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
