saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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