whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
