dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize