And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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