loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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