Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
