You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
