Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
