my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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