Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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