checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
