I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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